Stronger Than Me
by jsms99
Summary: Rayna writes a song.


No matter how long feelings have been buried or forgotten, as soon as they surface or come to the front again, everyone gets hurt. Not just the two who fell in love all those years ago, but the people in that life now.

Rayna realized this too late. She'd hurt Teddy by never loving him like he wanted, like he deserved. She'd hurt her daughters by throwing them into this world, into the press where anyone could say anything.

Mostly she'd hurt Deacon. He'd loved her when no one else was there for her, when her father couldn't' stand the life she'd chosen. Yeah, he'd hurt her by not being able to stay sober, but he'd gotten clean for her time and time again.

Only by then, she'd given up on him. She'd needed someone stable, someone who could be there for her occasional Instead she'd always been there to scrape Deacon out of whatever slum motel he'd found his way to.

Rayna's head snapped up as lyrics began running through her head. She untangled her legs from the blanket over them and stood up to go her piano. A pad of paper and pen already sat waiting for her.

As she started to write, she remembered her past with Deacon. All the highs and lows and intimate moments after they finished writing a song or performance. She remembered the last time she put him in rehab.

Deacon had been half-sober when she dropped him off. She'd parked a few miles away, unsure if she could actually go through with it. He'd looked over at her and must have seen the tears glistening in her eyes. Her vision had been blurred because of it.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the lips before brushing away her tears. "Let's go." He'd told her.

When they finally got there, a little secluded place out in the middle of nowhere, she didn't move. Two big, strong looking men stepped up to Deacon's door and he got out.

When they got to the doors of the clinic, Deacon looked back. Rayna could still see the look on his face, in his eyes. She'd had no idea that at that moment, that look they gave each other had changed his life, had made him decide to truly get sober, to be the man that Rayna deserved.

Rayna shook her head, blinked her eyes a few times, and finished writing her line.

As she continued to write, occasionally stopping and checking notes on the piano, she remember other times with Deacon, other times without him too.

She remembered when she'd found out she was pregnant. Her first thought had been to run and tell Deacon, but knew he couldn't have any visitor's yet. Her next thought was "Who is the father?" By then she'd met Teddy. She'd been lonely and sad because of Deacon and one thing led to another…

When Rayna found out how far along she was though, there was no doubt who the father was. She told Teddy, while tears streamed down her face, sure she had lost him. He agreed to act as the father. The whole world would think Teddy was the father, not Deacon. Her heart had been broken, and Teddy managed to, at least partly, put it back together.

"Hey Watty, have you left for Deacon's party yet?"

"Just leavin' now."

"I've got something I'd like you to hear."

"I'll be right over."

"Thanks."

She worked on a little accompaniment while she waited. After she'd played it for him, he insisted she go to Deacon's party.

"Do you really think it's a good idea for me to be seen at a party for someone who I've apparently been having an affair with?"

"Deacon would want you there," Watty pointed out.

"Well, I'm surprised you came," Juliette told her, grabbing a glass of champagne.

"Deacon and I are still friends."

"Hmm."

"I have a song I've been working on that I'd like to perform later."

"We'll see, I'm going to perform a little something for him. I'll see if there's an open slot for you." She walked off and Rayna rolled her eyes.

"I know Miss Barnes wanted to perform, but since we can't seem to find her, please welcome to the stage, Miss Rayna James!" Watty introduced her and then coaxed a few of Deacon's other performer friend up to provide backup and instrumental.

"Oh, here I go again

Walking the line killing time between my sins

Oh, why do I come here?

The ending is still the same

I'm bringing back old tears

I act like I don't know

Where this road will go."

She looked straight at Deacon, knowing how many times they'd gone around.

"Pour me something stronger

Pour me something straight

All these crooked voices, make them go away

I can barely stand up

I can hardly breathe

Pour me something stronger than me

Pour me something stronger than me."

Rayna knew he'd understand the lyrics. People who didn't know them might not, but they both knew what she was saying.

"Sunrise hurts as much as you

You both come up when I don't want you to

Oh, I can still hear you say

That you and I will be better off this way

These things that I run to

What I put my heart through."

They'd broken each other's hearts more times than anyone could count. They'd both tried to stay away from the other to avoid more heart break, but both always failed miserably.

"Pour me something stronger

Pour me something straight

All these crooked voices, make them go away

I can barely stand up

I can hardly breathe

Pour me something stronger

Pour me something dark

Pour it up so high so I can't feel my heart

I can barely stand up

I can hardly breathe

Pour me something stronger than me

Pour me something stronger than me."

They finished the song, Rayna bowed, the crowd cheered, and Deacon smiled at her. They both knew they would be okay. They would somehow survive her divorce and all of the press that constantly surrounded them.

A/N: Please leave me a review on what you thought! They really mean a lot to me! tAlso, the lyrics are from the iTunes version of the song, so the actual performance we saw on TV may be slightly different.


End file.
